Ephesians Thoughts for Husbands - Eph 5:25 to 28

Verse (Ephesians 5:25–28, ESV)

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”

How often do we as men, in moments of frustration with our wives, lash out by quoting Ephesians 5:22–24 about submission? We wield those verses like a weapon, lecturing our wives on their duty, as though God wrote them for us to enforce. But in truth, those verses are not addressed to husbands at all—they are “her mail,” not ours. When we read our wife’s mail and ignore our own, we miss the far heavier calling laid upon us: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).

Too often, men jump to verses 22–24, eager to remind their wives about submission, as though the command were written to them. But those words are addressed to wives, not to husbands. When men focus on their wife’s command, they are meddling with “her mail.” Scripture gives you, O husband, your own mail to read—and it is weightier, harder, and more cruciform than you might wish.

Your command is not to rule but to love—love in the way Christ loved the church. And how did He love her? He laid down His life, not because she deserved it, but because He chose to save her. His love was not domineering but self-emptying. He bore the cross, bled, and died so that she might be cleansed and presented holy. This is not casual affection; it is sacrifice unto death.

So, husband, the question is not whether your wife is properly “submissive.” The question is whether you daily crucify your pride, your preferences, your selfishness for her good. It may look like small deaths—a pizza instead of a steak, sitting with her when you’d rather retreat into your own world, listening when you’d rather argue, serving when you’d rather rest. And sometimes it is larger deaths—bearing insult patiently, carrying her burdens when she is weak, praying for her when she wounds you, guarding her dignity even when it costs you.

Christ does not humiliate His Bride; He beautifies her. He does not crush her spirit; He sanctifies her. He does not put her under His feet as a servant, but takes her wounds into His own flesh so she can stand beside Him in glory. And that is the pattern: love your wife as your own body. She is not “other.” She is one with you. To despise her is to despise yourself. To cherish her is to honor Christ.

Stop reading your wife’s mail. Read your own. Your calling is to die, not to demand. To bleed, not to boast. To cover, not to crush. To sanctify, not to scold. This is the way of Christ—and it is the only way marriage thrives under the shadow of the cross.